I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

Monthly Archives: May 2011

Messing with Tony

There’s a “days ’til summer” count down at Cooper’s preschool.  Each day, a different child wrote what they were looking forward to doing this summer.  My favorite is day 5.  Written in a very girlie handwriting is the phrase, “messing with Emma”.  I, too, like to mess with people.

Today I’ve been messing with Tony via text message.  I like to start a bit via text & run with it until the other person changes the subject or deletes me from their contacts.  Tifany plays with me all the time.  Tony has never played with me.  He’s mean like that.

But today, he played along for a little while.  It’s such a momentous occasion that I’d like to share the exchange with you:

T: I’ve got your grocery list…let me know if you need anything else from the store.

J: Laundry detergent & booty wipes   (author’s note, this is what we call the flushable wipes my boys use because I don’t enjoy pre-treating skid marks)

T: K

J: White wine, tampons & tabloid magazines

J: Just kidding

T: No need for explanation…no way it was happening

J: Maybe I should have asked for a six-pack of hard lemonade, panty liners & Cosmo?

T: You can ask, doesn’t mean it will happen

J: Milwaukee’s Best, beef Jerky & Popular Mechanics?

T: I checked… Springdale Wal-Mart is out of all 3

J: Modelo, Gansito snack cakes & Telenova magazines?

J: I KNOW they have those

T: Uncle!!

J: HA!

Can’t wait to get home & crack open an ice-cold Modelo!

Kinky Fun…. with Phonics

Jack and I play word games all the time.  We think up silly acronyms, make up rhymes, and change the beginning consonant sound of words and phrases to make them sound crazy.

Yes we are nerds.

One day Jack will rule the world so go ahead & laugh now.

Earlier today we were listening to “Popcorn” by Barenaked Ladies over & over again.  Cooper gets on song jags and listening to a song on repeat is better than listening to Cooper whine on repeat.  So Jack and I were dealing with our song fatigue by replacing the consonants in the word popcorn.

He yelled “Zop Zorn!”, and I countered with, “Hop Horn!”  He giggled, “Flop Florn!”, and I called out, “Top Shorn!”

Then Cooper hollers, “I got one! Cop Porn!”

Rage against the builder

We bought our current home brand spanking new in March 2004.  It is a piece of shit.  During the housing boom, builders were cheap and greedy.  Our house is shoddily built and every fixture in it was the cheapest available at the time of purchase.  I’d love nothing more than to name the builder and detail every complaint.  However, we share several friends and accquaintences, so I will (for once in my life) hold my tongue.

I am not the only one who is pissed about the poorly built homes from the housing boom.  Bob Villa and that Holmes on Homes guy are hoppin’ mad!  And another Bob is so full of rage, he made a video to express his emotions.  Check it out!

Instant Karma

So I was at Wal-Mart this evening purchasing a new sink sprayer, Tom & Jerry movies and mojito flavorted malt beverages.  

What?  Do you leave discount stores with purchases that make sense.

You do?

You suck.

Anyway, when I was cheking out, I spotted a mom & two kids from Jack’s school, a little girl in 1st and a boy in 3rd or 4th.  I don’t know them by name, but we definitely all recognized each other.  As we said our hellos, the little girl stumbled on her own feet.  Her big brother laughed at her and called her a stupid klutz.  Then he walked into a support column.  Hard.

The mom and I both laughed aloud at him.  I looked at him and said, “Do you have a computer & internet at home?”  He nodded.  So I said, “When you get home, look up karma, cause it just smacked you upside the head.”

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