I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

The other day I murdered a braless lady

One day last week, I took the boys out for a fast food lunch.  We are all trying to eat healthier, but sometimes a kid just needs to eat some crap and climb around in plastic tubes for a while.  Because we were just going to McDonald’s, I didn’t take any special care with my appearance.

That means I didn’t shower, was wearing at least one thing I slept in, and my hair may not have been brushed.  Basically, I looked like I look right now.  Here I’ll take a picture…

Yeah, so I look like hell a lot of the time.  Whatever.

I’m sitting there reading while my kids burn off their empty calories and get those preservatives and additives well distributed in their cells so a few can mutate into cancer in forty years, when a lady stops by my table.  Now, I like to talk to strangers, but I don’t like them invading my space or touching me, my kids, or my stuff.  This lady leans over me and rests her saggy right boob on my left shoulder.  Then she grabs my favorite bookmark which was handmade by Jack in kindergarten.

“Oh how sweet.  I’ll bet you treasure this,” she said.

“Yes, I do,” I replied, barely resisting the urge to snatch it from her.  Actually, I didn’t really resist, I was momentarily paralyzed by the shock of her unfettered breast touching my person.

“Those boys, sure are cute.  Are you their mom or grandma?”


*blink blink*

*blink blink blink*

Several more moments of blinking pass before I have fully processed what she said.

Then I clicked my dentures, adjusted my wig, grabbed my cane and beat her to death with it.


One response to “The other day I murdered a braless lady

  1. Tifany August 9, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    …is that you Edith?

    Ehhh? What’d you say?

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