I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

If you keep that up you’ll go blind

Several weeks ago I went to a new eye doctor who was either a complete loon or a total genius.  I’m leaning toward loon.  During our in depth discussion of my retina, optical nerves, eating habits, and obstetrical history, he said I was slowly going blind because I had babies and gave them all my folate during the first trimester.  Great, just one more way these damn kids have ruined me.  High blood pressure: check.  Belly fat: check.  Occasional urinary incontinence: check.  Failing eyesight: what the fuck?  Anyway, Dr. Loon also determined I have a lot of headaches.  I pointed out I don’t have that many headaches.  He replied, “You will because you eat cereal and drink coffee.”  This morning I woke with a headache and my first thought was, “Shit, Dr. Loon cursed me because I didn’t get the blood test he advised.”

Cut to 7:10, Jack is bouncing off the walls, Cooper is cranky, and my coffee is still steeping.  I need Jack to sit down, I need Cooper to shut up, and I need a tourniquet and syringe so I can mainline the coffee.  Since we’re fresh out of drug paraphernalia, I opted for this…

Now it’s an hour later and that coffee is history.  I finished it off with a nice bowl of cereal.  Oh, and my headache is gone too.  Take that Dr. Loon!


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