I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

Monthly Archives: June 2010

lem. on. ade.

Cooper is extremely willful.  I don’t mean normal, three-year-old, testing the limits of his control, willful.  I mean drive your mama to drink, willful.  He will go to bed complaining that he wants to play with his mini-bowling pins a little longer and when I wake him the next morning he pops up and says, “I bowl now.”  This kid is less dog with a bone, and more wolf with a filet.

So tonight we were headed out for some home cooking at Neal’s Cafe (cause Lord knows there was none to be had at our house). On the way, we asked Cooper what he wanted to eat.  He replied, “Macaroni & cheese and lemonade.”  We were immediately concerned that Neal’s might not have lemonade.  So we began a round of our favorite game: Can you outwit a three-year-old?

It started with a simple,”What if they don’t have lemonade?”

He replied, “I want to drink lemonade.”

Then I threw in a, “I bet they have Sprite.”

He replied, “I have lemonade.”

So Tony got philosophical on him and said, “If we were going to a restaurant without lemonade, what would you order to drink?”

Cooper said, “LEM. ON. ADE.” (He seriously added pauses between the syllables.  I’m so proud to be raising another smart-ass.)

I’m pretty sure he also mumbled, “You fucking idiots, what do you not understand about lemonade?”

As we were being seated, I noticed Hi-C lemonade on the soda dispenser and breathed a sigh of relief.  Then I picked up the menu and saw they only have mac & cheese on Mondays.

If you keep that up you’ll go blind

Several weeks ago I went to a new eye doctor who was either a complete loon or a total genius.  I’m leaning toward loon.  During our in depth discussion of my retina, optical nerves, eating habits, and obstetrical history, he said I was slowly going blind because I had babies and gave them all my folate during the first trimester.  Great, just one more way these damn kids have ruined me.  High blood pressure: check.  Belly fat: check.  Occasional urinary incontinence: check.  Failing eyesight: what the fuck?  Anyway, Dr. Loon also determined I have a lot of headaches.  I pointed out I don’t have that many headaches.  He replied, “You will because you eat cereal and drink coffee.”  This morning I woke with a headache and my first thought was, “Shit, Dr. Loon cursed me because I didn’t get the blood test he advised.”

Cut to 7:10, Jack is bouncing off the walls, Cooper is cranky, and my coffee is still steeping.  I need Jack to sit down, I need Cooper to shut up, and I need a tourniquet and syringe so I can mainline the coffee.  Since we’re fresh out of drug paraphernalia, I opted for this…

Now it’s an hour later and that coffee is history.  I finished it off with a nice bowl of cereal.  Oh, and my headache is gone too.  Take that Dr. Loon!

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