I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

Monthly Archives: April 2010

Have you seen the ultra-rare singed ass hair edition?

This morning Cooper was incredibly grumpy.  He was whiny and clingy and answered every question with a “NO!” that sounded more like “fuck off.”  On top of that we were out of coffee.  And milk.  And anything I could pass off as a sack lunch for Jack.  It was pretty much down to microwave popcorn, two shriveled oranges and a jar of pickle juice.  I needed Cooper to cheer up quickly because we had large quantities of groceries to acquire.

So, regular readers know I’m not a big fan of Starbucks coffee.  In a previous post I likened its flavor to singed ass hair.  Although I’ve never actually tasted singed ass hair, I stand by my opinion.  Plain black Starbucks coffee is nasty; however, anything tastes good if you put enough chocolate and cream in it.  Besides, Starbucks has fruit smoothies that make Cooper happy, and I found some old Starbucks gift cards in my wallet the other day.  Caffeinated, chocolate-flavored singed ass hair it is!

At the drive thru window, I handed the guy my gift cards and asked if he’d see if there was any money left on them.  He very cheerfully replied that he would.  When he looked at my cards he said, “You’re holding onto these, right?”  I said, “Well, yeah, if there’s still money on them.”  He smiled an indulgent smile and said, “These are really great cards.”  This one is from 2006 and this one looks like a 2007 summer promo or maybe it’s from Hawaii.”

Words failed me.

Please understand, thoughts didn’t fail me.  But polite, non-sarcastic words failed me.

After blinking at him for several seconds I finally said, “Like Pokeman?”

Dude said, “Yeah, but there’s only 151 of those.  There are way more Starbucks cards to collect.”

Must withhold snark… nice young man does not deserve rude cut down… hold on….. you have the drinks…. just get the receipt…. you can do this…..

I CAN’T DO IT!

“Wow, I’ve heard the term ‘geek out’ before, but I’ve never seen it in action.”

I’m mean and I deserve to burn my tongue on my coffee.

I’m so sorry drive thru male barista (baristo? barist-no-tatas? coffee dude?), you were super polite and did not deserve that.  When I finish using up those cards I’m totally giving them to you for your collection.  I’m sure they’re worth hundreds of cents.

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Anarchy for the… Kenmore?

Cooper likes to draw on the fridge with dry erase pens.  I like it too.  It’s way less messy than paint or markers (click here to see why he lost crayon privileges).  Plus I feel guilty every time I toss his artwork in the recycle.  I can leave fridge art up all week and the cleaning ladies wipe it away on Tuesday, relieving me of all mommy guilt.

Today he drew the most awesome fridge scribble ever.

To me it looks like an anarchy symbol.  It’s the perfect doodle for my little impulse driven boundary tester.

Wow Wow

Cooper is watching Wow Wow Wubbzy and eating chicken while I sit on the couch with him and waste my life away on this MacBook Pro.  It’s not exactly blog worthy stuff.  However, this little nugget is totally blog worthy.  Cooper just pointed to the TV and said, “That’s like my Mama and my Daddy.”  So I looked up and said, “Which ones?”  He replied, “The purple one is like Mama and the orange one is like Daddy.”

Oh. My. God.

I smile

So I have to confess something.  It’s possibly more embarrassing than this.

I like Justin Bieber.  Not in a cougar way.  That’s just wrong.  I’m old enough to be his mom.  I like his voice.  You can tell he’s not auto tuned, and many of his songs are catchy, even if over-produced and too precisely mixed (I’m talking to you, Eenie Meenie).  This song just makes me happy…

Nature calls at Natural’s home opener

Anyone who knows me even slightly, knows I’m not much of a sports fan. There’s no sport I’ll watch on TV for more than a few minutes. I only attend football games if there is club or box seating involved. And I can’t remember the last time I watched basketball that didn’t include a really flat ball and an adjustable hoop set to midget.

That being said, I do like going to baseball games. The atmosphere at a ballpark just makes me happy. I’m lucky enough to live in a town with a minor league team, the Northwest Arkansas Naturals. Sadly, we do not have season tickets, so I missed the home opener. Which means I missed this awesomeness…

I especially like how the guy who picked up the deuce takes a look at it when he’s trotting off the field.  Did you think you had a handful of something worth a second look?  If so, would you like to come to my house at 6 a.m. each morning and clean-up the cat shit in my laundry room?

Dude

Traffic Stop Turns Up Various Drugs In Rogers – Local News Story – KHBS NW Arkansas.

Dude, There’s nothing really special about this story.  It’s a daily, even hourly occurrence all over the country, Dude.  I felt compelled to share it with you because of the alleged criminal’s name, Dude.

Seriously, Dude.

Stop lurking!

I can see my stats, people.  I know at least 40 people read my post yesterday.  How come only two of you commented?  Does FREE GIFT mean nothing to you?  I’m talking free lip gloss, or lotion, or even shaving cream for my male readers.  Seriously, I’ll even let you pick what you want, just say something funny about the vaj bag.  You know you wanna.

Nice girls do give it away

I have written and deleted this post five times now.  The problem is it’s related to my new Mary Kay® business.  It’s funny, but also a bit inappropriate and possibly tacky.  I want to make sure I get this one just right.

Here’s the set-up…

This spring Mary Kay® is offering a Tropical Treats collection.  It consists of three lip colors, two cheek colors, and a highlighting cream.  It’s a really fabulous collection.  The lip products are super luxurious, the cheek products are these glazes that look scary bright in the container, but are actually so sheer and natural I wear them every day now, and the highlighting cream completely wakes up your face.  Click here to check them out.

Plus, there’s a free gift with purchase!  Check out this darling little cosmetic bag.  By the way, I’m wearing the Pomegranate Cheek Glaze in this photo.

Here’s where the problem comes in.  I can’t discuss this bag without laughing.  Why would a little purple cosmetic bag send me into a giggle fit?  See for yourself…

Yes, folks, it’s the limited edition Mary Kay® VAJ BAG.

You can have your very own vaj bag, just order a lip nectar, cheek glaze and highlighting cream and I’ll include one for free.  I’ll also send a free gift (yes, it will include a vaj bag) to whoever writes the best comment.

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