This morning Cooper was incredibly grumpy. He was whiny and clingy and answered every question with a “NO!” that sounded more like “fuck off.” On top of that we were out of coffee. And milk. And anything I could pass off as a sack lunch for Jack. It was pretty much down to microwave popcorn, two shriveled oranges and a jar of pickle juice. I needed Cooper to cheer up quickly because we had large quantities of groceries to acquire.
So, regular readers know I’m not a big fan of Starbucks coffee. In a previous post I likened its flavor to singed ass hair. Although I’ve never actually tasted singed ass hair, I stand by my opinion. Plain black Starbucks coffee is nasty; however, anything tastes good if you put enough chocolate and cream in it. Besides, Starbucks has fruit smoothies that make Cooper happy, and I found some old Starbucks gift cards in my wallet the other day. Caffeinated, chocolate-flavored singed ass hair it is!
At the drive thru window, I handed the guy my gift cards and asked if he’d see if there was any money left on them. He very cheerfully replied that he would. When he looked at my cards he said, “You’re holding onto these, right?” I said, “Well, yeah, if there’s still money on them.” He smiled an indulgent smile and said, “These are really great cards.” This one is from 2006 and this one looks like a 2007 summer promo or maybe it’s from Hawaii.”
Words failed me.
Please understand, thoughts didn’t fail me. But polite, non-sarcastic words failed me.
After blinking at him for several seconds I finally said, “Like Pokeman?”
Dude said, “Yeah, but there’s only 151 of those. There are way more Starbucks cards to collect.”
Must withhold snark… nice young man does not deserve rude cut down… hold on….. you have the drinks…. just get the receipt…. you can do this…..
I CAN’T DO IT!
“Wow, I’ve heard the term ‘geek out’ before, but I’ve never seen it in action.”
I’m mean and I deserve to burn my tongue on my coffee.
I’m so sorry drive thru male barista (baristo? barist-no-tatas? coffee dude?), you were super polite and did not deserve that. When I finish using up those cards I’m totally giving them to you for your collection. I’m sure they’re worth hundreds of cents.