I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

Monthly Archives: January 2010

Hello Vodka, It’s me Mama

Did you ever open up your freezer and the bottle on the top shelf (or middle shelf, or behind the peas if you’re Baptist) looks like a sensible dinner choice?

Today actually wasn’t one of those days, but I’ve had a few lately.

I’ve been feeling adrift.  Restless.  Lazy.

No more.  I’m done with that crap.

We’ll talk again soon.  I promise.

Umm, no thanks

Stuff I found nestled amongst the Christmas ornaments

Oops!

Oh no you d’nt!

So, I was at the grocery store the other day.  It was the middle of holiday shopping and the place was packed.  With morons.

Packed. With. Morons.

Here are some of the nitwits I encountered.

Mom being driven nuts by her out-of-school kids: Hey, I know how to kill some time!  Let’s go to the grocery store two days before Christmas and walk four across in the aisles.  If you’re good, I’ll let you race shopping carts in the parking lot!

Rednecks: “Look ma!  Beans in a bag, a can, frozen, and fresh.  What will they think of next, corn in a can?

Dumb boyfriend: “I know it’s a purse from Wal-Mart, but she won’t know the difference.”

Couple without kids: “Let’s get my nephew the electric keyboard and your niece the jumbo pack of punch balls.”

Dude who sees a long lost friend and decides to have a loud, inappropriate conversation while in line in front of me and then doesn’t move the hell out of the way so I can put my groceries on the conveyor: “Bitch.”

Yes, dude called me a bitch when I suggested he and his friend move it to a coffee shop.

Okay, so I might have said boyfriend and hotel room, but I said it very sweetly.

Happy Twenty-ten

Typically, I’m not a resolution maker.  However, I feel I owe you one for even bothering to check the blog for something new.

I, Jennifer Lake Seawright Collins, resolve to create a blog post everyday for the entire year 2010.

Hey!  I guess this counts as today’s post!  See you tomorrow!

%d bloggers like this: