I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

Monthly Archives: November 2009

Got me another yellow dog!

I was just reading a news article about Republican Senator Jeff Sessions.  Cooper was cuddled up next to me watching Blue’s Clues (with Steve, not Joe, thank you very much) and he glanced over at my screen.  He took one look at Senator Sessions and said, “I no like that guy.”  Me either, dude.

When Jack met Harvey

Earlier this week we were in Hobby Lobby looking for Thanksgiving decor.  Apparently, there’s not much of a market for fall leaves and cornucopias because it was slim pickins’.  Of course it could also be because the stuff was 80% off and going fast.  The last $2 slinky-legged turkey?  Score!

As we made our way down the Thanksgiving aisle, Jack became enamored with a three foot tall scarecrow.  I noticed his interest, did the math for an 80% discount, and told him he could have the scarecrow.  He hadn’t been planning to ask for it, so he was delighted with my $5 generosity.  He immediately dubbed the scarecrow Harvey “because he only comes around during harvest time.”  Jack then proceeded to tote Harvey all over Hobby Lobby.  While talking to him.  Aloud.

Jack and Harvey admired the Christmas ornaments, chased Cooper down the greeting card aisle, and debated which candy they would choose had I been willing to part with an additional $5.  I was equally amused and horrified by the entire scene.

Alert! A mommy secret is about to be revealed: half amused/half horrified is how most moms feel about their kids’ public behavior.

When we got in the the car, Jack put Harvey in the back seat & tried to buckle him in.

When we arrived home, Jack gave Harvey a tour of the house.

When he had to go number two, Jack took Harvey into the bathroom.

Basically, Jack spent the evening talking to Harvey.

Let’s revisit the half amused/half horrified thing.  I started to lean more toward horrified as the night wore on.  I mean my seven-year-old was in his room, chatting up a scarecrow.  Then I realized he was chatting up Harvey INSTEAD of me.  Here I was not being “talked at” and I wasn’t relishing it.  Dubya Tee Eff was wrong with me?  I decided to go with the flow and enjoy a chatterbox free evening.

At bedtime, I decided Harvey should be moved to the foyer.  I thought waking up to Harvey lit by the eerie blue TV glow (because the kid tunes stay on all night) might be a night terror in the makings.  Jack was not happy, but he agreed to let Harvey “decorate the foyer” at night.

I didn’t consider me being creeped out by Harvey.  I have a very active imagination.  I know you’re shocked, right?  I’m all about assigning personalities to inanimate objects.  Unfortunately, if the inanimate object has a face, I will unfailingly make its personality evil.  Not having girl children is a good thing for me.  If I had a house full of baby dolls and barbies I’d be a total basket case.  What’s that you say?  Oh no, I’m not a TOTAL basket case yet.  Suffice it to say, when I turned off the lamp in the foyer before bed, I got completely skeeved out by Harvey’s button-blank stare and overlarge gloved hands.  I had to run to my room and slam the door. Okay, I am a total basket case.

In the light of morning, as Harvey hangs out in the living room watching Phineas and Ferb, he goes back to being  a cheerful straw-stuffed ornament.  Mostly.  Sometimes I swear those button eyes are ever so slightly narrowed and those giant hands are straining to reach out for my babies’ necks.

What do you want for lunch?

The reason I haven’t been posting much lately

I thought painting would buy me twenty minutes of screen time.  It bought me five minutes to check my email, a five minute photo op, and fifteen minutes of clean-up.

*sigh*

The Best Winter Carnival Ever!

I’ve spent the morning thinking up game and decoration ideas for the winter carnival at Jacks’ school.  Unfortunately I’ve had more inappropriate ideas than real ones.  I’m having a blast!  Here are some of my thoughts…

  • Party like the Romanovs – Start out serving caviar and giving rides in glittering sleighs.  End with a bloody and poorly organized mass murder.
  • Baby Jesus vs. Santa Claus wrestling match – The Virgin Mary and Rudolph as tag team partners.
  • Siberian Jail Game- Pay to lock your kids in a realistic prison cell in our frozen wasteland themed cafeteria.  Then head out for dinner and a movie.  I think this would be a real money maker.
  • Frostbite! The musical.
  • The Donner Party- Lock kids in a walk-in freezer.  The sole survivor wins a cheap plastic toy.  If the winner eats another kid, he gets two toys.
  • Hypothermia – Bobbing for apples with an icy cold twist!
  • Wind Chill – Fans and spray bottles filled with ice water.
  • Yeti. photo. op.
  • Hibernation – Parents come in and nap while their kids run amok through the school.  I’m pretty sure this already happens at the carnival, but now we can make some cash off it.
  • Candy Cane Lick – It’s really a freezing cold metal pole.  That’s entertainment!
  • Yellow snow cones – a tasty treat.
  • Shovel the Reindeer Poop – Candy hidden in piles of poo.
  • Find Santa – Have an adult dress as Santa complete with a bag full of toys and treats.  Divide the kids into teams of 8 and send them off to hunt down Santa.  The first team to find Santa wins the contents of the bag.  Booby traps to slow down opposing teams are encouraged.  Santa is allowed to leave the building, but if he does, the children will be given night vision goggles, a shot of espresso,  and hunting rifles.
  • Egg nog – minus the eggs and nog.  Another one that would be popular with the parents.
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