I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

Baby proofing

As the mom of a toddler, something I say quite often is “No, not safe.”  Cooper is insanely curious and alarmingly reckless.  I know a few moms-to-be read my blog, so I’m putting together a list of the things you should go ahead and remove from your home before your child turns two and discovers them.

  1. Knives
  2. All silverware, actually
  3. Furniture that can be easily scaled
  4. Furniture that cannot be easily scaled (a tempting challenge if there ever was one)
  5. Just get rid of all furniture and throw some mattresses on the floor
  6. Weapons
  7. Toys that resemble weapons
  8. Toys that do not resemble weapons but can be used to hit your brother anyway
  9. Ninjas
  10. Small objects that fit in orifices
  11. Large objects that fit in orifices
  12. Hell, just sew up all orifices and put the kid on life-support until he’s five
  13. Granola bars. Really.

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4 responses to “Baby proofing

  1. Tenessa September 17, 2009 at 10:05 am

    Actually, mattresses on the floor would also be bad. There would be bouncing and jumping and leaping. That results in colliding, banging, and bleeding.

  2. Jennifer September 17, 2009 at 9:19 am

    Cooper is fine. I, however, might have to start mainlining Xanax to make it through the day.

  3. Charlotte September 17, 2009 at 8:36 am

    YOU SLAY ME!! Good for a SERIOUS LOL this morning!
    Hope Cooper Cooper is doing ok!

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