I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008


Last night, my cold took a turn for the worse at bedtime.  Right as we were settling in for bed, I started coughing.  I have the most annoying cough ever.  It always sounds a little forced or fake, even to me.  I can only imagine how it sounds to the person trying to sleep next to me.

We had no cold medicine in the house, so I decided to improvise.  I took my feverish, lung horking self to the pantry, climbed on the step stool, and got down the Forty Creek.  I poured about a finger of whiskey in a glass and stirred in some honey.  I let myself have one last coughing fit, then I slugged it back.  The coughing stopped immediately and I slept all night.

This morning, I started coughing as soon as I stood up.  Tony suggested I have some more whiskey, but it just didn’t seem practical, you know?  I can just imagine my morning after a shot of Gramma Bodean’s Cure-All…

Scene one, the kitchen:  As I’m setting out the whiskey and honey, Jack wonders into the kitchen.  He spies the vaguely familiar bottle of whiskey and the extremely familiar jar of honey and asks if I am making something special for breakfast.  I tell him, “This is a special drink for Mama.  I need it to feel better.”  He asks what’s in it.  Of course I tell him, there’s really nothing to be evasive about, this is homeopathic medicine in it’s truest form.  He loses interest because a commercial for Paperoni is on the TV.

Scene two, driving to school:  The whiskey is flowing through my body like a lovely little flame.  I feel relaxed and have no urge to cough.  I cross the center line slightly, but it’s okay because we’re not in the school zone yet.

Scene three, Jack’s school:  Cooper and Jack have taken off down the hall without me.  I’m resting on the bench by the “native” fish tank (we live in Arkansas, so you can imagine what’s in the tank). Finally I work up the energy to walk to the classroom.  Jack is in his seat, Cooper is destroying a book or doll or cinder block or something.  Mrs. L says, “There you are. Are you feeling okay?  You look flushed.”  I sway slightly and reply , “I’m *hiccup* just a little under the weather.”  Jack overhears and adds, “Mama had to have a special whiskey drink this morning because she doesn’t feel good without it.”

Scene four, the back of a police car…


4 responses to “Homeopathic-ish

  1. Tifany September 1, 2009 at 10:56 am

    Ugh…and I’m quite the opposite from Tony. I can’t stand whiskey. But it might be because I got wasted on Jim Beam and cigarettes one too many times in college! Who knows. I’m sticking to unsweetened iced tea these days with a little Coors Light thrown in when I’m feeling wild!

  2. Jennifer August 31, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    Coco always gave this to Tony & Tifany when they were kids. I think this is why whiskey is the only hard liquor Tony likes.

    I think the “cough medicine” is just the tip of the ice berg for how screwed up you are! (I kid, really)

  3. Jennifer August 31, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    LMAO!!! This made me laugh out loud!!! I can totally see this happening. Oddly enough my dad use to give me that “cough medicine” when I was little. Maybe that is what is wrong with me???

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