This may be a dramatization, or not
August 29, 2009
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Coco called me earlier this week & asked if she could have the boys Saturday night. I said, “Hang on…” and I jumped up and down. Jumping up and down made me pee myself a little because having babies wears out your pee-stopper (yes, that’s the official medical term), so I went to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, I noticed the toilet paper was out, so I changed it and re-stacked the extra rolls in a more symmetrical pattern. Then Cooper came looking for me because I had been out of his sight for twenty seconds. Cooper likes cotton balls, and the cotton balls are in the bathroom, so I had to get one down for him. Then he wanted a q-tip, because cotton balls and q-tips go together like PB & J. Then I had to go get the floor sweeper because he was already leaving a little cottony trail through the house. Then he wanted to sweep too. Then I had to rescue a rug from the sweeper. Then I had to empty the sweeper. While emptying the sweeper, I noticed the pantry looked less than perfect, so I spent a few minutes putting it back in OCD order. Which made me notice we were out of a few items, so I started a grocery list. Cooper saw that I had a pen & paper, so he wanted to color. That made Jack want to color. I got out some markers and paper. That lasted all of four minutes, then they wanted snacks. They did not want the same snack. So I made two entirely different snacks. Then I had to get out the floor sweeper again (don’t ask). Then the cat barfed. Then Cooper spent the next ten minutes looking all over the house for “cat poo-poo”. He never found any, but I had to investigate every time he said he did because what if he’s right and I ignore him? Then the cat barfed again. Then Cooper wanted outside. I let him out back, and went to get myself some shoes so I could join him. Forty seconds after I donned my shoes and stepped outside, he wanted back in. Then Jack wanted me to scratch his back. Then Cooper screamed, “No Jack”, and pushed him away from me and sat beside me. Then Jack snuck around to my other side and made me scratch his back in secret. Then Cooper noticed that and set fire to the couch in protest. Then Jack ran to the neighbor’s house for help, but he got distracted by another kid who wanted to talk about an iCarly episode. So our house burned down. Then Coco called back and asked if she could keep the boys on Saturday night. I said, “Hang on…”, and did a happy dance. The dancing made me pee myself a little.