I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

But they say it in nursery rhymes

I debated writing about this because the google pervs might come calling.  I’m going to trick them with some replacement typing.  Okay, here goes.

Jack went to a birthday party this afternoon.  The kids were splashing in the pool and running around with water guns and balloons.  The moms were sitting in the shade talking about nothing specific because we all had one eye and ear tuned to the increasingly manic kids.

Without much discussion, the kids’ play became more organized.  They divided themselves into two teams.  The guns began squirting in a more specific way, and the balloons were aimed with intent.  We mom’s sat back and began to talk amongst ourselves in earnest.

Then we heard it.  A dirty word.  Not a BAD word, but certainly not one you expect seven-year-olds to say.  We asked each other, “Did you hear…?” and “Are they saying…?”  The kids, it seems, were teams of cats, pu$$y cats (take that google perv$) to be exact.  The moms smiled and shrugged and went on with the chatting.

The game, however, got louder.  The kids were meowing and hissing and screaming things like, “I’m a bad pu$$y cat.”  One of the more juvenile moms (Whoever could that have been?) giggled a bit.  And as the game progressed, the word cat was dropped.

That’s right, folks, our kids were now screaming the word pu$$y at great volumes and with much fervor.  I had to excuse myself to the restroom so I could laugh out loud.  The other moms just didn’t seem as amused as I was.

Seriously?  How can you hear your kid yell, “Don’t get me wet, I’m a good pu$$y”, and keep a straight face?

The breaking point for me was when one of the kids went vigilante.  He grabbed the biggest water gun in the yard and indiscriminately began shooting everyone while hollering, “I’m the pu$$inator!”

All I could think was: Giant dildo with whiskers.


12 responses to “But they say it in nursery rhymes

  1. Coleen Schwan August 27, 2009 at 10:37 am

    Oh my gracious Jennifer I have read a couple of your blogs and you are a great writer! But this story – this takes the cake. This is why I shouldn’t have kids.. I would have been peeing in my pants if I was sitting there for sure! That is a classic. Keep them coming – its a great time waster of my billable hours 🙂

    • Jennifer August 27, 2009 at 1:30 pm

      This is one of the best reasons TO have kids! Family bonding? Bleh. Shaping the next generation? Huh. Tiny little people loving you just because you exist? Whatever. Unintentional hilarity? That’s the stuff!

  2. Jennifer August 26, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Yeah, hanging out with mature moms is completely lame.

  3. Jennifer Baker August 26, 2009 at 10:18 am

    That is absolutely hilarious. I wish I could have been there to see it because I would have totally cracked up with you. I am going to laugh about this all day.

  4. How to Party with an Infant August 23, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    Can’t stop thinking of giant dildo w/ whiskers! Oy.
    Amazon prob is best way–or go to bookstore and ask them to order it.

  5. Sarea August 23, 2009 at 10:43 am

    Ha ha ha . . .Love it! The new blog is great! I need to blog more . .life is chaos right now though!

    • Jennifer August 23, 2009 at 2:13 pm

      Uh, yeah. Your last post was in like 1998 or something. Blog about the new job (carefully, don’t want to lose the new job!)

  6. Tenessa August 23, 2009 at 7:56 am

    Best. Story. Ever.

    I LOVE it when kids throw out terms or phrases that are riddled with double en tendre. I cannot help but laugh. Does this make me a horrible mom?

    • Jennifer August 23, 2009 at 8:28 am

      I think it makes you a normal person with a sense of humor. People who don’t laugh at stuff like that scare me.

  7. Tif August 22, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    That’s Right up there with Jack saying you could like his stick!!! Classic…

    • Jennifer August 22, 2009 at 10:35 pm

      Yeah, but I secretly wish Jack had been the self-proclaimed pu$$inator. It would have made the story that much better. Plus it would be such a great story to embarrass him with on prom night.

      Me: “Hey prissy/slutty (not sure what kind of girl he will like) prom date, watch out for Jack. You know he calls himself the pu$$inator.”
      Jack: “Mom! Shut the eff up and take our picture” (Teenager Jack has grown weary of me constantly busting his chops so he swears at me in an effort to shock or shame me. Silly boy, I am sooooooo far past shock or shame).

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