August 11, 2009
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So we have this cat. She’s pretty much like every other cat on the planet. She sleeps 22 hours a day. She acts as if she’s starving if her food dish isn’t filled to the brim. She horks up a nasty little hairy alien every few weeks. She stops in front of me when I am carrying large objects in an effort to trip me. She sleeps in the sink. She thinks paper bags are cool.
Every cat on the planet does this shit. If you think your cat is unique because of these things or anything similar, you are mistaken. Your cat isn’t special unless it can play Chopin on the harpsichord.
What makes our cat unique is that she also poops anywhere BUT her litter box; and only when we aren’t looking. This means she craps all over the house at night. We got so tired of playing find-the-cat-poo every morning that we started making her sleep in the laundry room. Now she craps all over the dryer. I fold the laundry in my bedroom.
This is the first 20 minutes of my life pretty much every day
Start water boiling for coffee
Make Huck’s Nexium
Grab paper towels and head to laundry room
Pick-up cat poo
Flush cat poo
Stir freshly ground coffee into boiled water
Disinfect top of the dryer
Give cat fresh food and water
Wash hands (disinfectant + cat food, not my scent combo of choice)
Take Nexium to Huck
Get lots of hugs and and earful of chatter (Huck is a morning person)
Push plunger down on coffee
I seriously have to wash my hands three times before I even get to drink coffee and I’m not even a germaphobe. Anybody want a cat?