A rare beast, indeed
June 17, 2009
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This morning, I stopped to get coffee before my big $500 shopping spree and encountered a rare beast: sweaty-from-his-workout-inappropriate-cell-phone-rude-to-service-people-guy. I’ve run across sweaty guy, cell phone guy, and rude guy plenty of times. They aren’t that rare, know what I’m sayin’? But the cross breed? It was a truly spectacular sighting.
So dude’s in front of me in line, and he’s not just kinda sweaty. There are rivulets of sweat running down his legs from parts of his body I really don’t want to be considering. I actually slipped in a small puddle of jerk sweat when I stepped up in line.
Then his phone rings and he proceeds to have a conversation that forces me to further consider the sweatier parts of his body. Yup, he went there. Loudly. In a lovely little local coffee shop.
When it’s his turn to order, he’s rude in that ‘I was just being funny’ way that’s never actually funny. After placing his order, he demands the clerk recite it back. Large vanilla latte. That’s it. It’s not like he was making sure she understood he needed skim because he’s calorie counting or soy because he’s lactose intolerant. Large. Vanilla. Lots of milk and foam. Even I remember, and I’ve been trying to forget all damn day. With the order confirmed, she asks his name to write on his cup. He tells her it’s Frank. As she starts to write, he says, “My name’s, not really Frank? Did you think I was serious? Do I look like a Frank?” The girl just calmly says, “What would you like me to put on your cup, sir?”
Finally, he steps away. I look at the clerk and say, “I would have just written Dick on his cup.” She picks up his cup, turns it over, and draws a tiny little penis on the bottom. I gave her a high five and put $3.00 in the tip jar.