So I am back again, maybe
March 19, 2009
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Okay, peeps, I’m sorry. Excuses never explain and explanations never excuse yadda yadda yadda (yes, I just yadda yadda’d over some stuff, but it was nothing interesting). I’m not that reliable and that’s all I have to say about it.
I was complaining to Jo that part of the problem is I’m running out of blog fodder. You see, everyday is pretty much the same for me. I could only write so many posts involving popcorn chicken before I lose all my readers. Even Jo. And that’s saying something because she loves me and my kids and will tolerate quite a bit from all of us.
So, I have eleven things recorded on the iPhone, but I don’t think I can stretch any one of them into a whole post. I am just going to describe the recordings and make some comments. I know I am letting myself off easy, but you know what I’m going to say, right? My blog, don’t care.
- Worm giggling, water splashing, Huck saying “Hey [Worm] watch this, watch this” Worm giggling even harder. They must have been playing in the tub. Very cute.
- You have to be bread for that. Huck was watching Bee Movie and heard the line “You have to be bred for that”. He was not familiar with the word bred, so he thought they meant bread. A hilarious conversation ensued where he speculated how a bee could become bread and why would the bee have to become bread to do something that bees are supposed to do naturally. He also wondered if they meant a slice or loaf. Seriously. I eventually explained what the word bred meant. He then asked what Truck and I were breeding him for. My short answer was “To be a responsible adult and contributing member of society.” In my head I had all sorts of answers. I almost said, “To be an evil genius, but you don’t seem to have the evil gene, so I don’t think its going to work out.” He would have thought this was funny, but he also would have asked me make up a whole story to go with it, and, clearly, I have not been in a story telling mood. I also considered saying, “To make lots of money to support us in the manner to which we wish to become accustomed.” But there were way too many prepositions in that answer. I had some other silly answers too, but now I’m ready to move on to the next bullet, the prepositions got me all itchy.
- A hottie zombie. We were eating popsicles with jokes on the sticks. Worm’s joke was: Who won the zombie race? No one, it was dead even. Huck and I agreed this wasn’t all that funny, however he did demonstrate a zombie running for me. That WAS quite funny. Then he said if there was a “hottie zombie” it would win the race. I asked for clarification and he said “Well, BOY hotties are usually athletes, so it would run faster than the other zombies, but still not very fast ’cause it’s a zombie.” He also added that he wasn’t sure if girl hotties are fast or not. (Um, I’m going with, yes they are. Fast that is.) I complemented him on his logic and then asked that he not use the word hottie to describe attractive people anymore because it is a bit too grown-up sounding for a kindergardener.
- Addition and Subtraction is now called Composing and Decomposing. Huck was telling me about composing and decomposing number sets to make them equal nine. It seriously took me several minutes to figure out that he was talking about math, not musical zombies. What’s wrong with add and subtract? There are certain words I don’t like and decompose is one of them (slacks is another, in case you are curious). Huck has certain words he doesn’t like either. Mistaken is one and legs is another. Yes, he is my boy. Yes we are a quirky pair.
- Apparently Russell Crowe was walking by. Huck likes to tell me about his dreams. The other morning he said he dreamed he was at a Science Convention. There was a machine that could take two things and kind of blend them together. He said he got hit with a ray from this machine while he was holding a Pokemon and he became part human, part Pokemon. He then added he also could destroy telephones. I said “Oh so Russell Crowe was walking by when the ray hit you?” Huck just ignored me and went back to eating breakfast. That was probably a good idea on his part.
- Four seconds of me mumbling. I have no idea. I suspect this is what I sound like to other people a lot of the time. Jumbled and easy to ignore.
- I went to the trouble to get my car washed and then some fucker with an out of state license plate cleaned their grimy windshield while driving in front of me. I always feel smug and superior to the other drivers when my car is clean. Mostly this is because my car is rarely clean, so I can afford the occasional ego trip. I only got to feel smug for about thirty seconds before someone blew their Florida dirt all over my car, hence the profanity.
- [Huck] doesn’t like to be stared at while he is eating. Really, who does? The reason this was a recordable moment is because I wasn’t really staring at him, I was just sitting across from him and looking straight ahead. After he told me not to look at him, I very deliberately stared at the wall. This annoyed him too. There’s no pleasing some folks.
- I love my dentist’s office. The waiting room is nicer than my living room (I mean, A LOT nicer). The exam chair has gentle massaging action. There are Aveda products in the restroom. No one speaks too loudly. I actually feel relaxed and happy when I leave the dentist. Our insurance pays 100% too. Unfortunately I have excellent dental hygiene, thus very healthy teeth and gums, so I only go twice a year. I am thinking about making up a random dental complaint in a few months so I can go back.
- More mumbling. This time it is twenty-one seconds of crap I can’t understand. Who knew I had so much useless shit to say? Truck, your comments on this point will not be appreciated.
- Bread, Honey, Laundry Soap, Good Lettuce. Obviously this is a grocery list. It’s just funny that I said “good” lettuce. I like dark greens, but nothing bitter. Like I’m going to forget what kind of lettuce I like and grab a head of iceberg or a bunch of endive. Wow, good thing I clarified!
Okay, so there it is. I have posted. I will be back tonight or tomorrow afternoon. I am typing that so that I have some accountability. See you soon!