I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

So Huck learns to use the toaster oven – sort of

One of my lavish and many Christmas gifts was a toaster oven.  Okay, its not really lavish.  But it was one of many.  By the way, I did ask for it, just clarifying that practical gifts are always my idea, not Truck’s. 

Anyway, Huck thinks its cool and has been asking me to teach him how to use it.  Sunday morning seemed like a good time for this.  I decided to teach him how to toast a bagel from start to finish. I didn’t realize how many steps there were to toasting a bagel that he had never learned how to do. 
First, he had trouble spotting the bagels in the fridge (that must be a male thing, if it is not in your direct line of sight it is forever lost).  Then he struggled to remove the plastic tab holding the bagel sack closed.  Next there was the actual pulling the bagel apart into two slices without mangling it. I always buy “perforated” bagels due to an unfortunate bagel slicing incident I had at 15.  Finally we were ready to actually use the toaster oven.
Its a very well made toaster oven so the door is tough to open if you are feeling hesitant at all (the cheapies practically fall open). Its not hard to open if you set to it with purpose, but as a first timer he was feeling less than purposeful.  Once the door was open, the bagel placement was uneventful, as was the setting of the knob to toast.  However, the timer knob gave us pause.  
To set this knob for toasting, you must turn it past the 20 minute mark and then forward again to your desired toast darkness.  Huck didn’t like this because it didn’t make sense to him.  He wondered aloud why he couldn’t just set it to medium dark and be done.  I have wondered this myself, so I could only offer a pathetic “because that’s what the instruction book says”.
Illogical settings aside, the bagel toasted beautifully.  It was now time for the real test: can he remove the toasted bagel from a very hot oven without incident or injury?  Also, can I let him do it with out freaking out or stepping in and taking over?
No.
With giant red oven mitts protecting his hands and wrists, Huck opened the toaster oven and began to reach in.  I immediately stopped him because his bare arm was dangerously close to the hot oven door.
With repositioned arms and giant red oven mitts protecting his hands and wrists, Huck again began to reach in.  I stopped him.  He was grabbing the tray instead of the bagels.  I foresaw a burning hot metal tray swinging out toward my own bare arms or being dropped on our scantily socked feet.
With a better understanding of what he was pulling out, repositioned arms and giant red oven mitts protecting his hands and wrists, Huck reached into the toaster oven for a third time. This time I actually yelled “Stop! Move!” And may or may not have given him a little shove.
Now before you go all you’re a completely insane control freak on me, let me explain.  He was taking a very long time to grab the bagels (possibly due to the excessively gigantic oven mitts) and the oven mitts were starting to smoke a bit because he was touching the still hot element (again possibly because the mitts were excessively gigantic).  I had to step in before his hands caught fire.
I know that his hands were not actually going to burst into flame.  Now.  I know that now.  But my mama-vision saw HANDS ON FIRE and I reacted instinctually.
After that he gave up.  I buttered the bagel and poured the milk.  He ran around the kitchen wearing the oven mitts and yelling “I am Mitten Man, face the vengeance of my well-protected hands!”
Yup, just a regular ol’ Sunday morning for Mitten Man and Overprotective Woman.
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