I'm really not that busy

Finding hilarity in the mundane since 2008

So I went to Wal-Mart

I said to stay tuned.  After his trip to Sam’s, Worm slept for over three hours!  That would explain how I had time to actually blog about the trip to Sam’s.  

Because he slept so long, there was not time to hit Wal-Mart for the pots & pans before Huck got out of school.  That means I got to take both boys to Wal-Mart, oh joy.  
First let me just say that Huck hates Wal-Mart.  I’m not sure why because he always comes home with a toy or candy. Nevertheless, he hates it.  When faced with a task that I know he is not going to like, I try to trick him into liking it more by giving him some choice in the matter. For example, do you want to wear the khaki pants or the grey pants (because sweatpants & jeans are not appropriate)?  Do you want carrots or tomatoes with your dinner (because you haven’t eaten a vegetable in four days)?  So when he got in the car I said, “We are going to Wal-Mart!  Do you want to go to the close but not nice one or the further one that was just remodeled?”  He replied, “What’s the difference?”  Crap, he is figuring out the trick choice thing.  I should be proud of his intelligence, his Daddy still falls for it sometimes.
I decided we should go to the nice one.  This time I am on a mission, I vow to not leave that store without pot & pans.  
The first thing Huck wants to do is go to the toys.  Meanwhile Worm begins saying NA! NA! NA!  If you have been keeping up, this means snack. Unfortunately he depleted my snack supply while in the after school pick-up line.  So we veer toward the food section and grab a bag of dried strawberries & bananas and rip that sucker open.  Okay, on to housewares!
But wait, toys is before housewares.  “Can’t we just look at stuff for my Christmas list”, asks Huck.  Oh, what the heck.  So we turn toward toys and I remember that we have a birthday party this weekend and a baby gift we never bought.  Okay, toys is a good idea, right?
Immediately Worm begins to yell MO MO! (Elmo) Sure enough, there is Elmo Live, the exact toy Worm is already getting for Christmas from one set of Grandparents.  So we go to check out Elmo Live and Worm is thrilled with it.  Unfortunately he is not thrilled to be pulled away from Elmo.  Huck is two aisles over, which completely freaks me out and now Worm is screaming MO MO and is working up to real tears that will include snot and hitting.
I catch up with Huck who informs me he has to go poo, now.  So I wheel the still empty cart (except for the half eaten bag of na), screaming toddler and desperate boy to the front of the store and park in front of the restrooms.  Huck then informs me that he will not go in the women’s restroom, he will just “hold it”.  Holding it is a bad idea for him because it might be three days before that poo decides to make a second showing.  I relent and walk him as far into the men’s room as I can without scandalizing myself.  The entire time I say LOUDLY “I’ll be right outside the door.  Don’t talk to anyone.  Don’t even wash your hands, I have antibacterial stuff (gross I know, but those extra few seconds in the bathroom will take years off my life).”  I then stand outside the door and stare at the pictures of  abducted children.  Longest five minutes of my life.
Meanwhile Worm has gotten over Elmo so we head back to toys.  Yes, back to toys.  At this point I realize I have to get the gifts now or relive this experience again in a few days.  So we manage to bypass Elmo and get the gifts in the cart without further incident.  Then I decide that Worm needs flash cards because his vocabulary isn’t as big as Huck’s was at this age (for the record, Huck had the vocabulary of a three year old at 18 months, he was a freaky little blabber mouth).  Then I decide that Huck deserves something too because, so we get a 100 piece pirate puzzle.  Then I realize that a cool puzzle for Huck and flashcards for Worm isn’t fair, so we head to the cars.  Worm likes Lightening McQueen from the movie Cars, so he gets a little matchbox sized Lightening McQueen.  Then I see these adorable red cowboy hats and Worm says “HAA” (hat).  He is actually willing to wear the hat, so I get two.  Harvest Hoedown is the elementary school’s big carnival and they need hats for this, right?
Alright, we’re done, let’s head home…. WAIT!  Pots & Pans!  Yes folks, I almost forgot the pots and pans.  But I didn’t.  They are in my car and the fabulous teachers at Huck’s school will be able to heat up their lunches without all waiting in line for the microwave.  Good thing I’m really not that busy.
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2 responses to “So I went to Wal-Mart

  1. Jen November 6, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    You do not have to wear anything special. I would actually recommend something comfortable. I just feel the need to inflict embarrassing outfits on the boys while they are young enough to let me get away with it,

  2. Tif November 6, 2008 at 8:42 am

    I can’t believe that Huck doesn’t like Wal-Mart…that’s a near scandelous revelation that must be kept from his grandfather. He might be disowned.

    Do I have to wear a cowboy hat to the Harvest Hoedown? I was thinking more like comfy sweatpants and a nice long-sleeved t-shirt sans any headgear at all. But I don’t want to be the odd ball from the big city showing up and sticking out like a sore thumb. Just let me know. I’ll do whatever I need to for my favorite 6-year old!

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